


I Swore You Were Worth It

by louisgrindsonharry



Series: Used [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, I was at a low point in my life when I wrote this, M/M, Sad, and it fucks everything up, harry cheats on louis, really fucking sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 22:17:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2404883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisgrindsonharry/pseuds/louisgrindsonharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are rough for Harry and Louis; they’re rougher than Louis ever imagined and he’s not sure how he ever ended up in this situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Swore You Were Worth It

           “Are you going out again?” Louis asked, voice low and defeated.

            “Yeah,” Harry nodded. “I’ll probably be back late.”

            “Okay. Have fun,” Louis sighed.

            “Thanks,” Harry mumbled before he left, and Louis fell back on the bed, tears stinging his eyes but he would  _not_  cry. It was expected. He and Harry had been drifting apart lately, no matter how hard he was fighting to keep them together. Things were rough of them on tour. It was easy to pretend like things were okay. They didn’t see each other much, so when they did, it was rough kisses and a desperate fuck, both of them clinging on to what was left of their diminishing relationship. But when they were home, reality came back down and they were so obviously not okay.

            Harry was out with Nick almost every night, and they’d had so many fights about it, that it wasn’t worth it anymore. Louis sighed and dialed Zayn’s number.

            “Hello, Lou?” Zayn answered.

            “Hey Zayn,” Louis whispered.

            “What’s up?” Zayn asked.

            “It’s not good. He’s never here anymore. He doesn’t spend any time with me. It’s awkward and he won’t even look at me anymore,” Louis said, voice rough with tears.

            “Have you talked to him yet?” Zayn asked.

            “No. I’m afraid if I do, then we’ll end it,” Louis cried, finally letting the tears fall. “Zayn, it can’t be over. We’ve worked so fucking hard for three years to keep our relationship and it’s falling right through my fingers and I can’t do anything about it.”

            “Is this any better though?” Zayn asked.

            “I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared for what’s going to happen,” Louis admitted.

            “I know you are, Lou. I’m not going to lie, we’re all fucking scared. But I think you guys need to talk. The tour’s over now, and things in Australia were bad. But now we’ve got some time off, so you guys need to take advantage of that,” Zayn said. “We’ll be here to help you guys pick up the pieces.”

            “I know. I know we need to do this, but I can’t lose him, Zayn. I’m already losing him and I’m having a hard time functioning right now. I can’t lose him for good,” Louis whispered.

            “I hope you don’t. Just, please, talk to him,” Zayn said.

            “I will. Thanks, I just needed some advice,” Louis sighed.

            “Of course, Lou. Good luck, yeah? Call me and let me know what happens,” Zayn said.

            “I will. Bye,” Louis said as he ended the call.

            “Bye,” Zayn whispered before Louis hung up. Louis pulled out his phone and nervously sent a text to Harry, because he couldn’t even talk to him right now without it being weird, and when did that even happen?

              _Can you please come home? We really need to talk…I know you’re out with Nick and I’m sorry, but please? It’s important._

He sent the message, and waited for a reply. He waited, and he waited, and his phone didn’t light up the rest of the night. He fell asleep, hours later, crying into the pillow and holding his phone tightly in his hand, and Harry didn’t come home.

            Louis didn’t see Harry until late the next afternoon. Harry came home in the same clothes, looking tired and unhappy. “Hey,” Louis said, annoyed.

            “Hi,” Harry replied.

            “Did you get my text last night?” Louis asked.

            “Yeah, sorry, I was busy with Nick and I figured we could just talk later,” Harry shrugged.

            “Right. Because it’s not like I said it was important,” Louis snapped. “How much longer are we going to do this? We don’t fucking talk anymore, Harry. Things are so far beyond fucked up between us that I can’t fucking breathe right anymore! How are you okay with this? What the hell is going through your head?”

            “I think I should move out,” Harry said, causing Louis to freeze and nearly pass out. “I think we need to take a break.”

            “That’s what you think?” Louis asked, heart beating faster. “You don’t want to try to work on things? Three and a half years doesn’t mean anything to you?”

            Harry wouldn’t look at Louis as he walked past him, down to their bedroom. “I’m going to stay with Nick for a while.”

            “Of fucking course you are! You always run to Nick, don’t you? You spent our whole break before Australia off with Nick. You called him almost every fucking night when we were away, and no, that’s still not enough time with him? What about me, Harry? What about our relationship?” Louis yelled through the tears pouring down his face as he watched Harry pack a bag of clothes quickly.

            “I just need time to think. Nick tries to help me sort things out and I think I should go,” Harry said, grabbing his toothbrush and throwing it in his bag. “I’m sorry,” Harry mumbled, quickly walking out of the bedroom and down the hallway, not meeting Louis’ eyes.

            “Fuck, Harry no, don’t go,” Louis begged, following Harry down the hallway. “Please. H, stay here. Talk to me. Let’s talk this out and work on us. Please, I’m begging you. I love you. And I don’t know many things about our relationship right now, but that’s one thing I’ve known for three years. I fucking love you, and I’m asking you not to walk out of here right now. Please don’t go see him. Please stay here with me.”

            Harry paused at the door, holding the handle tightly. “Bye, Lou,” He whispered before he walked out of the house, and Louis collapsed on the floor in tears while he tried to hold himself together. He needed his mum and he needed Stan, but they were in Doncaster and they couldn’t help him right now, so he called Liam.

            “Hello?” Liam answered, and Louis cried into the phone.

            “Come over,” Louis sobbed, wiping his face and his nose with the sleeve of his shirt.

            “Louis? What’s wrong?” Liam asked frantically.

            “Harry left. Please come over,” Louis begged again before he hung up his phone and grabbed a pillow off the couch, burying his face in it and crying. He sat there until Liam walked in the front door and wrapped his arms around Louis, and he cried into Liam’s chest. “He’s gone. Harry left me. It’s over. Fuck, he chose Nick fucking Grimshaw over me, Liam.”

            “Louis, please breathe. What happened?” Liam asked, rubbing Louis’ back.

            Louis took deep breaths until he stopped crying, though his throat was sore and his eyes hurt. “I asked him to come home last night so we could talk, and he didn’t. He stayed out with Nick and didn’t get home until this afternoon. Then I told him I wanted to talk about things and fix them and he said he thought we should take a break. Then he packed a bag and said he was going to stay with Nick. Liam, I fucking begged him to stay, and he still walked out.”

            “Shit, Louis I’m so sorry,” Liam sighed, hugging Louis and rubbing his back again. “Fuck.”

            “I can’t breathe, Liam. My chest is so fucking tight and it hurts,” Louis cried, taking deeper breaths.

            “Lou, please, calm down. In and out, okay? Just breathe,” Liam said.

            “I have to tell everyone else,” Louis gasped, reaching for his phone and wiping his tears away.

            “Give it some time, Louis,” Liam said.

            “No. He broke up with me, and he left. People have to know,” Louis said frantically as he composed a text to Niall, Zayn, Stan and his mom.

             _Harry broke up with me. We’re done._

He sent it and turned his phone off before Liam pulled him up and half carried him to the bedroom. “No,” Louis shook his head. “Guest room. I can’t go in there.”

            “Okay,” Liam whispered, opening the door to the guest room where he laid on the bed with Louis.

            “He’s gone. He’s not coming back this time. He’s with Nick now. He always left me for Nick, and now it’s fucking permanent, and Nick gets what he’s always wanted, and Harry will be fine, and I’m here, broken and I have to deal with working with Harry and how the fuck am I supposed to do this,” Louis said, nearly hyperventilating.

            “Louis, please, just breathe,” Liam said. “I’m trying, but I honestly don’t know what else to say right now. Just breathe, and try to go to sleep.” Louis nodded and closed his eyes, letting Liam rub his back until he finally cried himself to sleep.

            When he woke up, he was surrounded by warm bodies and while he was grateful, none of them were who he really wanted. He opened his eyes to see Niall sleeping next to him, Liam still on his other side, Zayn next to Liam, and Stan on the floor. It was a king size bed, and even though it was still too tight, he wouldn’t have it any other way. His friends were his support system, and while he quite literally felt like his heart was ripped from his chest, he needed them here.

            He looked at the clock and groaned when he saw that it was 4 in the morning. He pulled out his phone and quickly turned the brightness down, though he was disappointed when he didn’t have a single text or missed call from Harry. Nothing. Tears stung his eyes and he felt fingers carding through his hair. He looked up to see Niall looking at him sadly. “I’m sorry,” Niall whispered.

            Louis tried to clear his throat, but ended up turning into Niall more as he wrapped his arms around him and rested his head on Niall’s chest. “I miss him.”

            “I know you do. Try to go back to sleep, Lou,” Niall sighed, playing with Louis’ hair until he fell back asleep.

            When Louis woke up again, it was light in his room, and he was cuddling with Stan. The other boys weren’t in the bed anymore, and Stan was snoring lightly with his arm around Louis. Louis groaned and rolled over, stretching and checking his phone again. Still nothing from Harry.

            “You alright?” Stand mumbled, stretching on the other side of the bed.

            “I guess,” Louis mumbled, letting his head fall back down on the pillow.

            “I think Zayn’s making breakfast. You should get up and eat,” Stan said. “Your mum’s coming down today.”

            “She doesn’t need to,” Louis groaned.

            “You know that’s not going to stop her,” Stan mumbled.

            “Yeah I know. You didn’t really have to come either, but thank you for being here,” Louis sighed.

            “Of course, Lou,” Stan said softly, before he and Louis got out of bed and went down too the kitchen. Seeing Liam, Niall and Zayn in there  _without_  Harry was nearly enough to make Louis break down again, but he forced himself to hold it together.

            “Hey,” Zayn smiled softly.

            “Hey guys. You all didn’t have to come and stay here,” Louis mumbled.

            “We wanted to,” Niall shrugged. “So…are we talking about it, or-”

            “Not right now. How about some pancakes, Zayn?” Louis asked, and everyone quickly started thanking Zayn for breakfast, and dished out the rest of the food.

            They spent the day cuddling with Louis, watching movies and trying their best to keep his mind off Harry. Of course it didn’t work, but Louis wasn’t going to tell them that. His mum showed up late in the afternoon and Louis sent Liam, Zayn and Niall home, promising that he’d be fine with Stan and his mum.

            He finally broke down and told them in detail what things had really been like the past few months, and he told them what happened when Harry left. He was proud of himself for only crying once. Louis let his mum sleep in the guest room, while he and Stan slept on the couches that folded out into beds in the game room. It wasn’t necessarily comfortable, but it worked. It’s not like Louis got much sleep that night anyway.

            Two days later, he finally convinced his mom and Stan that he was okay. He really wasn’t but he wanted to be alone. He spent the day in his and Harry’s bed, wrapped up in the comforter, and he watched Love, Actually. He never admitted to Harry how much he always liked it, but now with Harry gone, it was all he wanted to do. He ordered Chinese take out and didn’t say a word to anyone. He checked his phone, and even though he didn’t expect anything from Harry, it still hurt that Harry hadn’t tried to contact him at all.

            A week went by. Louis promised the other boys that he was okay, even though he really wasn’t. His house was a mess. He’d thrown clothes everywhere, trying to find Harry’s old shirts that still smelled like him. He broke some of Harry’s favorite CDs on purpose, just because it made him feel a little bit better. He didn’t bother to clean the kitchen because now Harry wouldn’t get upset with him for leaving it a mess. Harry didn’t care about him anymore.

            But he figured at some point, they’d have to talk. They were still in the band, and they had things to do. More meetings, and a stadium tour, and they had to work. It wouldn’t be fair to the other boys if they affected the band. Louis just couldn’t bring himself to talk to Harry. The last time he texted Harry, he ignored him and it ultimately ended their relationship and while nothing could actually be worse than that, he didn’t want to try.

            Another week went by with Louis not leaving the house, not talking to anybody, not cleaning, not  _living_ , until someone knocked on his front door, and he forced himself off the couch to answer it and  _oh_.

            “I know I should have called first but I wasn’t sure I was actually coming until I got here, so,” Harry said, face and eyes red, like he’d been crying and Louis immediately hated him because all he wanted to do was protect Harry from whatever the hell made him cry.

            “I knew you’d come by to get more stuff,” Louis said, looking away from Harry and mentally patting himself on the back for forming a sentence when he didn’t even think he was breathing right.

            “Fuck, Lou you look terrible,” Harry sighed.

            “Yeah, thanks,” Louis snapped, though he hadn’t been able to look at himself in the mirror, he knew he looked awful. He hadn’t brushed his hair in almost two weeks. He did nothing to it when he got out of the shower, and he hadn’t been sleeping. Plus the crying. There had been lots of that too. So yeah, he knew he looked terrible.

            “I didn’t- I mean- shit, can I come in?” Harry stuttered.

            “Yeah,” Louis nodded, stepping aside so Harry could walk in.

            “You were right,” Harry spat out, like he’d been holding it in and he needed to get it out. “You were so fucking right about everything, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

            Louis’ throat closed up and tears started blurring his vision, but that didn’t stop him from seeing the tears pouring down Harry’s face. “Harry-”

            “No, I need to do this. I was stressed and there were so many fucking things going on in my head and Nick was telling me that you were being clingy and pushy and I didn’t want to believe him because you’re  _not_ , but then he didn’t let up and I snapped when I shouldn’t have, and I thought he was just being a good friend so I went to stay with him and I didn’t get off his couch for a fucking week because I  _hated_  myself and when I finally did, he made a move on me and Louis I was broken and I don’t know why I couldn’t say no but I didn’t and-”

            “You slept with Nick,” Louis finished. He and Harry both had tears pouring down their faces, and if Louis though his heart broke when Harry walked out, it was nothing compared to how he was feeling now.

            “Yes and I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll  _never_  forgive myself for walking out when you begged me to stay, and I-”

            “Get the fuck out of here!” Louis yelled pushing Harry back to the door. “Get out!”

            “Louis-”

            “No! I don’t want to hear whatever it is you have to say. Get out!” Louis screamed pushing Harry out the door and locking it behind him, before he fell down against the wall and pulled his knees up to his chest, sobbing into them.

            It took less than fifteen minutes for Zayn to show up at his house. Harry must have said something to him, because suddenly he was holding Louis, promising him that everything would be okay.

            Only things weren’t okay. No matter how hard they tried to make it work, it didn’t. The stadium tour was bad. Everyone could tell that Louis and Harry had a fallout, and there wasn’t anything that anyone could do to make it better. The other three boys tried, but it wasn’t enough. After that, the sales of the fourth album were pathetic. Fans were leaving, and suddenly, they weren’t on the front cover of magazines. They had less interviews, and then they weren’t even writing for a fifth album.

            Liam, Niall and Zayn tried to keep their friendships up, but they still held a grudge against Harry, and Louis alienated himself from all of them. He alienated himself from anything that reminded him of Harry.

            Soon, they were all hanging out less and less. They didn’t call, text or drop by. Time dragged on, but it also flew by. Before he knew it, Louis realized it had been over a year since he’d seen any of the other boys, until he bumped into Liam at Tesco.

            “Lou,” Liam said, surprised.

            “Hey,” Louis tried to smile.

            “How are you?” Liam asked.

            Louis shrugged. “How are you?”

            “I’m good, yeah,” Liam nodded

            “I should get going,” Louis said unable to take the awkwardness anymore.

            “Oh. Yeah, I’ll see you around,” Liam said, leaving Louis back there in the isle.

            So things weren’t good. He and Harry never really made it. They never got to come out like they planned. The band died out a lot quicker than they thought it would. He ended up doing the one thing he swore he’d never do- he was the reason the band broke up. He wasn’t good enough to keep Harry. He was so pathetic that Harry slept with someone else, just a week after they decided to take a break. It still wasn’t something he had been okay with, but he learned to live with it.

            He’d learned that that’s exactly what life was about. You live, and you learn. You fall in love, and get your heart broken. You make mistakes, and you try to move on. Not every seemingly perfect relationship ends happy. Louis and Harry’s had ended horribly, and nearly two years later, Louis still found it hard to breathe. His chest still hurt and he still couldn’t sleep well, but he got to live his dream. He did what he’d always wanted to do. He got to spend the early years of his life in love, happy, and proud. Now he got to spend the rest of his life trying to figure out how to live without his other half. It was challenge that he didn’t want to accept, but he was forced to anyway. Contradictory to what he’d thought, and what the ink on his skin was a reminder for, he wouldn’t spend the rest of his life with Harry. 


End file.
